Hold On

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what in my life I’m comfortable letting go of, and what I want to hold onto with both hands.

Our trip to New York a few weeks ago sparked something in me. The city sort of took me aside and held my head between its hands and was all, “Look. You know you could be making better use of yourself. And your time. And your marriage.”

Apparently it triggered something in M too, because he’s been craving bagels and lox like a man possessed. My bread-loathing husband has made us a breakfast like this twice in the last two weeks:

That picture makes me so jealous of myself from yesterday.

But seriously. I’m really feeling the urge to dig a little deeper in my thoughts/actions/what-have-you and make my existence into “the good life.” My life is already “good”… I’m married to a wonderful man, will be working (soon) and have a network of people that I care so much about. But I really feel like there’s room around here…and I’d like to be consciously filling it with elements of the world that I know will make me feel fully engaged, appreciative and excited.

My dear friend Smash said it best…you are in charge of your life and its peaks and valleys. In her words:

“Happiness doesn’t just happen to you.  It doesn’t rearrange your furniture during the night for optimal flow of energy in your apartment.  It doesn’t change your sheets for you.  It doesn’t make you look good in skinny jeans.  It doesn’t plan your weekend, make dinner reservations, or buy concert tickets for you.  Happiness takes an investment of time, energy, and some amount of soul searching to identify things that make you happy.  Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part, one must pursue happiness.”

Sing it, sister.

So, a resolution of sorts (now that we’re out of January and it feels less bandwagon-y)…I’d like to identify those happiness-triggers and purposefully cram my life full of them.

1. Conversations with my best friends. Ones where I’m not returning their phone calls, but seeking them out myself. Ones where I take the fact that I’ve been thinking about my Baller and wondering how she’s doing, and actually finding out. Conversations that include something like the following:

Smash: So, Xander was telling me all about how he volunteers for the Big Brother group, and he took his little brother shopping for their costume party…

Me: Did that exchange make your ovaries hurt?

Smash: Yeah. I had to be like, “Um, please stop. This conversation is making me pregnant.”

2. Be sure that my time with this guy is as sexy and fun as possible, and that it’s got a vibe that’s more “Hi, Boyfriend” and less “Did You Mail Our Rent Check?”

3. Keep exploring Boston and try to spend time in new haunts (like this place! They had almond milk lattes!) instead of defaulting to old ones.

4. Be aware of my surroundings and remember to document what life is like here, lest I forget later.

(Seriously, what is up with these doors? Do all the child actors under 4’10 live in Beacon Hill? And why do they get their own apartments?)

5. Be physically present as much as possible with the people that make my world go round. I feel like sometimes I unintentionally pay lip-service to devoting time to my people, and don’t make the planning effort necessary to see them as often as I want.

No mas.

(Especially when I am lucky enough to have this girl near me for the next year…)

6. Spend less time on the relentlessly entertaining interwebs and be more productive in my daily life.



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